3/5 Stars 🌟🌟🌟
The poet Mary Oliver once famously wrote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
To which the good people at the Lean Cuisine whispered back, “Take a food that you genuinely enjoy eating, and instead make it frozen, medicore and, somehow, so damp.”
Actually, the Garlic Chicken Spring Rolls aren’t bad. I’ve eaten worse (I once went through a period of eating…a lot…of Walgreens sushi, so I’ve always had worse.)
The problem instead lies in the fact that Lean Cuisine took this tiny box and decided it’s somehow TWO SEPARATE, INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED servings. Can you imagine a world where that’s acceptable behavior??? A world where some maniac silently eats their three miniature frozen spring rolls and then…puts the other half in the freezer for the next day???
That’s truly the mark of a serial killer and if you see someone doing this, you’re legally required to contact the authorities and start a true crime podcast about it asap. I don’t make the rules.
Taste: 3/5
I mean, sure, they were mysteriously so damp, but so was the girl from the Ring, and everything turned out for ok for her.
Ease of Cooking: 3/5
These little suckers come with something called a “crisping sleeve” that you have to wrap them in to cook, which is the most wild, made-up thing I have ever heard. However, it did make me feel like a little Jetson, so I’ll allow it.
Appearance: ⅕
Back in the Victorian days, very rich British people would hold these things called “mummy unwrapping parties,” where they’d literally buy a mummy, hold a party and unwrap it. (I’m assuming every single one of them died from a curse, which they deserved.)
This looks, for lack of better term, like something that would come out of that.
Overall: ⅗
A perfect, dainty appetizer for your real meal – a full bag of Pizza Rolls.