Anya Taylor-Joy: Lean Cuisine Favorites Mac and Cheese
Ok, sure, this one might seem a little obvious at first. (If you zoom in, you’ll see that Anya’s gold jacket is made entirely out of recycled Lean Cuisine Mac and Cheese boxes.) But hear me out.
Anya’s look and the Lean Cuisine Favorites Mac and Cheese are both classics with a twist. The twist with Mac and Cheese is that it’s got 2% of your daily iron in there (that means you have to eat 50 a day). In Anya’s case, the twist is finding a coat room big enough for her jacket. (I mean, they had to charge her for 2 hangers, right?)
Bon appetit, Anya!
Yara Shahidi: Stouffer’s Classic Meatloaf
Yara looked so stunning and classic in this dress that there’s just simply no way that she wasn’t inspired by this Old Hollywood icon – Stouffer’s Classic Meatloaf.
In show business (I was once a member of the Drew Barrymore Show live studio audience, so I’m technically in the biz), you can’t count on much – but beautiful A-line dresses and flash-frozen meatloaf are forever.
(p.s. – Did you know that Stouffer’s Classic Meatloaf’s first on-camera role was in the 1941 classic film “The Maltese Falcon?” It of course delivered the iconic line, “Don’t blame me, I’m just a meatloaf.” Chills!)
Beanie Feldstein: Marie Callender’s Meat Lasagna
Beanie looks so beautiful here – like a glamorous young mob wife who has to take over the family business when her good-for-nothing husband skips town. And sure, she gets some flack from the old timers who aren’t sure a woman has what it takes to lead the family, but she quickly proves them wrong when she brokers a deal with their rival mob, throws the FBI on a wild goose chase and figures out Ol’ Tough Teeth Joe was the informant the whole time – all in her first week.
Plus, Mob Boss Beanie doesn’t miss a single week of serving up her famous Sunday Italian Dinners. Her secret? It’s been Marie Callender’s Meat Lasagna the whole time.
Dan Levy: Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Panini
Not to call anyone out, but I love that Dan Levy never shows up in just some boring old Men’s Warehouse rented tux like some stars (cough, nearly the whole Ocean’s 11 cast, cough.) And this Emmy’s look is good – it’s colorful, it’s bold, it’s here to have fun, just like the Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Panini.
Like, if I’m throwing an Emmys after party (actually, I did throw an Emmys afterparty, but it turned out no stars wanted to travel from the awards to my tiny Chicago apartment. So much shrimp, all gone to waste!), I’m letting Dan and the Chicken Club Panini in first, because I know that both are going to get the party started.
Emma Corrin: Healthy Choice Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo
My grandmother always said that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. So I guess I’ll just say this:
Emma Corrin’s look is screaming Healthy Choice Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo to me.
The end.
Nicole Byer: Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken
Nicole Byer’s Emmys look is, hands-down, one of my all-time favorite red carpet dresses.
The purple! The ruffles! The train!
She looks so perfect that I’m prepared to give her the highest compliment a frozen meal blog can give – this is the dress equivalent of the Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken, the greatest frozen meal of all.
In fact, when I give my Emmys speech next year (I’m expecting to be nominated for my upcoming reboot, “Frasier But He Swears In This One”), I’m going to thank this dress and Trader Joe’s for being so great.
That Guy From Queen’s Gambit Who Went Like 400 Minutes Over: Lean Cuisine Parmesan Crusted Fish
When that guy who directed Queen’s Gambit was screaming over the music, boldly continuing to read his 80-page acceptance speech instead of returning to his seat and letting us all get on with our lives?
That had major “Microwaving Fish in the Office Breakroom” energy.
No thank you.