2/5 Stars 🌟🌟
While it doesn’t explicitly say it, it’s clear from the packaging that DEVOUR (all caps.) is a frozen meal for DUDES. *sick Guns ‘N Roses guitar riff*
DEVOUR doesn’t have time for your wimpy-ass vegetables – it’s too busy driving FORKLIFTS and drinking AXE Body Spray and watching reruns of SOUTHPARK on Comedy Central. Throw away your lame-o silverware for this one nerds, because you’re eating this shit up with a remote control race car, just like John Wayne himself. Pew Pew!
Taste: ⅖.
Let’s play a quick round of 2 Truths and A Lie.
- #1 – This is 670 calories.
- #2 – This is also somehow 70% of your recommended daily saturated fat.
- #3 – It is also 55% of your daily calcium, so you should slurp up 2 of these suckers per day.
Spoiler: They’re all Truths. (I have a severe allergy to Icebreaker Activities, and you can never be too careful.)
Anyway, this is fine. It’s not “Olive Garden Good” but it’s “Macaroni Grill Acceptable,” you know?
Ease of Cooking: 5/5.
Don’t even bother popping it into the microwave because MEN EAT THEIR FROZEN LUNCHES RAW. (Just kidding. It’s 6 minutes of microwaving.)
Appearance: ⅕.
You know that thing where food looks really bad and you don’t want to eat it? That’s how I feel about this!
Overall: ⅖.
This is one of those ones that sticks with you for a long time, not because it’s good and filling, but because pesto and grease begin to pour of your pores the second you finish eating it. (But men don’t have pores, so maybe it’s fine for them)