5/5 Stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Close your eyes for a moment. Now open your eyes and picture this.
You’re an alien, sent to earth to learn all about humans.
Due to your superior alien brain, it’s not hard. Bridges? No problem. Gravity? Solved. But the one thing you can’t wrap your green goopy alien brain around….is American breakfast.
You can’t eat cake because you’re an adult, but donuts are fine, encouraged even. You’re an absolute lunatic if you eat a porkchop, but fistfuls of bacon? You do you, dude!
You return to your alien planet an absolute failure. A laughing stock of the planet you call home.
Anyway, these are hot pockets of waffles stuffed with jelly. They rule.
Taste: 5/5
I cannot stress this enough – it’s an Eggo Pancake ball squished around jelly. It tastes exactly as great as it sounds.
Also, as 90s TV commercials have burned deep into my brain folds, it’s “part of this complete breakfast.” (Meaning, I think, that there’s a loophole where if you eat this with an apple splice, your body thinks it’s fruit.)
Appearance: 5/5
Gorgeous. Stunning. Amazing. A little ball of dough. I want to tattoo this inside my eyelids so it’s the last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up.
Overall: 5/5
I feel about these like I feel about Oscar-winning Anne Hathaway – I don’t need to interact with either of them every day, but I sure am glad they exist.