4/5 Stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟
If you love the idea of a frozen meal, but aren’t sure your palate is advanced enough for Lean Cuisine’s bold culinary decisions, like “adding sauce to chicken” and “adding sauce to noodles,” then buckle up honey, because Kid Cuisine is calling your name!
Kid Cuisine, for those just dipping their toe into Frozen Meal Life (#FML!!!), is a brand of frozen dinners specifically meant for children. If they really wanted kids to get the full experience, they’d also give them a tiny sink to stand over while they eat this, watching an episode of Parks and Rec that they’ve seen 300x and debating if they should “look at going to grad school maybe”, but one step at a time.
Taste: ⅘
Okay, this is getting 4 stars right off the bat, because mini corndogs absolutely rule. The corn! The dog! There’s no better combo! I am also loving that Kid Cuisine is bringing us options. Sick and tired of choosing between a couple of tiny corndogs, 3 soggy french fries, a dozen corn kernels or something that they keep claiming is “cake” for lunch? Well now you don’t have to!
Ease of Cooking: 5/5
First off, it’s 3 minutes and 30 seconds worth of microwaving which is the longest anyone should ever spend on anything. But this gets an extra 2 stars because of the WORD SEARCH on the box for while you’re waiting! While I couldn’t find the words they had listed – like “corn dogs” and “cotton candy” – I did find the secret bonus words they don’t tell you about, like “Catsmca” and “Gmogeiwks.” 1-800-MENSA? It’s me again!
Appearance: ⅕
There’s a very real thing called Chromophobia, which is an irrational fear of colors (it’s either that or the fear of Lady Gaga’s seminal 2020 album, Chromatica). If that’s something you have, then you have nothing to fear with this meal, because it is essentially just a plate of beige and variations of beige.
Overall: ⅘
I can’t stop daydreaming about the bold, grown adult who marches into the office kitchen with one of these meals for children in their hands. Sure, you may get some weird looks but when you’re eating mini corndogs and doing a word search, they’ll all be jealous.