4/5 Stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟
Ghandi once famously said “Hey, you know what – even when pizza’s bad? It’s still just so damn good. :)” And you know what? He’s right. That’s why he’s the Ghandi.
I’m not sure how pizza is legally defined – I guess just “crust with cheese on it” (and, if that’s true, are bagels pizza? I need to lie down).
Whatever the bare standard is, Lean Cuisine scrapes by yet again. A crust? This has it! Sauce? Ok! Cheese? Sure, technically!
It’s the perfect meal for that special someone who thinks a regular frozen pizza is just too much work.
Taste: ⅘
Remember in middle school, when they’d serve those big rectangle slices of pizza, with little pools of oil that the popular girls would glob off with a napkin, and you’d have to pretend to do that too, even though you knew full well the grease is what made it good?
It’s kind of like those, except now you don’t have to scarf it down to make it to band in time. (Or maybe you do. Wet that reed, honey!)
Ease of Cooking. ZERO. A BIG FAT ZERO.
Hopefully you have 5 hours for lunch because that’s how long it’s gonna take you. The box turns into a Jetson-like cooking contraption that you have to fold like some sort of culinary mastermind. Cooking this technically counts as an audition for NASA.
Appearance: ⅗.
Good enough!
Overall: ⅘.
It’s a giant glob of crust, covered in sauce, that is somehow both still frozen and yet also on fire. It might as well be the Lean Cuisine official emblem.