ZERO/5 Stars
You know that thing where you have to make a phone call – on the actual phone, like someone cosplaying the 1990s – and you’re mentally preparing beforehand, telling yourself that there’s no possible way it’s going to be as bad as you think it is?
But then, instead of being a normal conversation, the person on the other end starts screaming at you, insulting everyone you love? Maybe they even show up at your house and just follow you around, knocking your shit over and berating you? And it’s somehow 10,000x worse than what you even imagined?
That’s what this Lean Cuisine Marketplace Parmesan Crusted Fish is like.
Taste: 0/5
“Parmesan Crusted Fish!” the box promises. ‘With pasta, tomato sauce and cheese!” Like those are 3 things that we’re begging for. As if whenever we take a bite of regular fish sticks, we’re thinking “if only this tasted less like food, and more like a reject from the Olive Garden lunch menu!”
However bad it sounds, I promise you, it’s somehow even worse.
Ease of Cooking: ⅘
Hey, if we’re marching to our own dooms here, at least we’re doing it quickly.
This one, you just cook for 4.5 minutes, give it a sec to cool, then spend the rest of the day wondering if just a quick lil’ sip of Draino will rinse the aftertaste from your tongue.
Appearance: 0/5
Close your eyes and picture what you think cheese-covered white fish is going to look like.
Surprise! That’s exactly it.
Overall: 0/5
The only possible reason this could have been created was a test, to see who is cruel enough to microwave fish in a communal office kitchen.