5/5 Stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Close your eyes and picture this.
The year is 2030. You’re looking hot, you’re filthy rich and it’s a typical Tuesday night. You head into the fanciest restaurant in the world, as you often do. The staff’s faces light up when you walk in. Chef herself comes out to greet you. “Bonjour,” Chef whispers into your ear. “I’ve been on Food Network.” She puts down the first of 50 courses in front of you.
It’s the fanciest food ever, according to several magazines. It’s made of solid gold and now-extinct Beluga Whales. It costs a billion dollars. You sigh and take a bite.
It’s fine but deep down, you know that it’s no Lean Cuisine Ranchero Braised Beef. You wipe away a tear. Your husbands, all of the Impractical Jokers, look concerned. “What’s wrong?” they ask in unison. “Are you sad that you’re forced to eat anything besides Lean Cuisine Ranchero Braised Beef again?” You nod. They understand. They always understand.
Taste: 5/5
Is it really that good, or have my expectations been lowered that much? Good question! The sauce is decent, it’s a regular, human amount of food, the chipotle sweet potato side is like spicy baby food, but in a fun way. A delicacy.
Ease of Cooking: ⅗
While I’d rather eat it frozen than microwave, stir and microwave again, I’ll make an exception here, because there’s a little plastic divider keeping the sweet potato separate from the beef. Look out, Meghan Markle, because I guess I’m royalty now.
Appearance: ⅗
This meal is so gorgeous that you could use it to Catfish someone on an dating app.
Overall: 5/5!
I’m legally changing my name to Paula Ranchero Braised Beef!