2/5 Stars 🌟🌟
I’ll be honest – I was terrified for this one.
As it microwaved the obligatory 400 minutes or whatever, I braced myself, clinging to an Aldi brand Diet Coke to chase it down.
When it was ready, I took a tiiiiny timid bite, the same way I would if you told me I was about to eat a ham that went down with the Titanic in 1912. (Hamtanic.) (I wouldn’t NOT try the ham, for the story.)
And guess what? It was…..fine!
The saving grace of this is the side dish – rice, peppers, corn, sour cream and mountains of cheese, which is a recipe they stole from Golden Corral. (Which is superior to Old Country Buffet in every single way.)
Taste: ⅖.
Please don’t get me wrong, this dish is not good. The fish is inedible and there’s enough gobs of sour cream to set off my Lactose Intolerance for weeks.
That being said, the bar could not have been set lower. You know how before your piece of s*** nephew comes to Thanksgiving, you brace yourself for him to do a skateboard trick right onto the table and call your grandma a bad word and smash a few windows? Then instead, all he does is make a Tik Tok that mocks your life choices and steals $20 from your wallet and it’s like…okay, that could have gone worse? That’s what it feels like.
Ease of Cooking: 5/5.
The cook time is 4.5 minutes which is absurd, but it gets full stars for this delightful phrase:
“cook until fish flakes easily with a fork.”
It’s so delicate! So whimsical! Taking itself so delightfully seriously!
This fish won’t flake, of course, as it’s probably been frozen since the Clinton impeachment. But just for a second, it’s nice to pretend that you’re a successful human being, mixing up ingredients that the government recognizes as “real food”, instead of the lawless maniac you are, microwaving fish in the work breakroom.
Appearance: ⅕.
It looks like something the cops would haul away from a crime scene. You’re best off eating this with your eyes closed. NSFW.
Overall: ⅖.
I’d pay good money to sit down with the folks who earnestly choose to eat fish – FISH! – out of all the Lean Cuisine options. (Then again, I run a full blog about it so…bon appetit to them.)